Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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