I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
