Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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