So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
