and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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