Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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