Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
