You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
