just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
