I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you didnt know i had herpes?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
