i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
