i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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