Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
