Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Im part way to drunk.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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