I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
