You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
