my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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