I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
