"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
