His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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