I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
