she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
