apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
