When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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