That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
