In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
