the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I still have a little drunk in my system
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
