She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it's great music for shaving your balls
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
