you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
