Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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