The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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