Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
