What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
