It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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