We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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