when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and she was petting her beer can
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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