Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
