im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
