she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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