I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
