Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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