I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
