I showed him my bush... on skype.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
