I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
