If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
God, I missed his penis.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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