just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
