Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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