I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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