just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
