I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
