No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
