he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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