Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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