Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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