id be glad to
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just want to make out with him forever
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
