DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
