I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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