I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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