did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
zippers are such a cool invention
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
